11 January 2012

Into a new year

Isn't it amazing how Time just keeps going along at a steady pace, even when you yourself are forced into a slower pace for a while. Which makes no sense, because it's just that the routine of things you do every day changes. It's still the same amount of alloted time.

My routine certainly changed since December 20, 2011, with all this pain business, but things have improved a bit over the last week and some semblance of 'normal' is returning. Here was me thinking I'd breeze through the holidays with my family and whoosh right into 2012 in a flurry of activity. Well that plan didn't happen! Ha ha to me!

I pretty much slept my way through the holidays with my family, though I did wake up to have a sip of bubbly just after oldest son Oliver popped the cork at midnight!

And the guys had made our family's traditional New Year's Eve snack.. Northern Stars! A mixture of mayo, sour cream, Swiss cheese, spices and minced green and red bell pepper spread onto thin slices of baguette bread, then broiled in the oven until the cheese is melted and it's all gooey and warm and yummy! Here's Oli stirring everything together on the night.

On New Year's Day the guys packed our stuff and Wes drove us back to Little Rock. It is always hard to say goodbye to the guys, but this time I particularly felt bad because I'd missed out on participating in so much with them. Ah, well.. more times are coming.

Something else struck me in these last few days of early 2012. I'd kind of been dreading the new year, and I guess I usually do. I'm a worrier by nature, and I always get nervous about what might be coming in the future. I usually expect the worst, and imagine all kinds of unpleasant things. What a way to live, eh? I know there are people out there who are positive thinkers, and I guess they are lucky to have that personality type. Good for you, if that's you. I've always had that Sword of Damocles feeling, which has no place in reality at all, but who said I am a sensible, wise person anyway.

Maybe it was a consequence of participating in life from a very painful and sleepy fringe during the holidays with the guys, and therefore kind of just floating through the days and nights in slow motion, right into 2012 without all that unproductive worrisome thinking I usually engage in, but I must say that I don't feel near the dread about what this year might possibly bring in the way of huge obstacles and detours and all that imaginary stuff that I dream up. I'm feeling kind of calm about things right now. And I have to admit that it isn't an altogether unpleasant experience. Sure, life isn't going to be all peachy on a rose petal strewn path. We all know 'Life happens'. Period. We get this and that, the good, the bad and the downright ugly. There are some definite Challenges coming to me and to our family in this coming year. I have no illusions that things will all just fall into place and all problems will be resolved by the Fairy Godmother. But it seems that I may have finally reached a point in my life where I actually 'get' that. A little late in my game, but there it is. Hey, I'm actually typing this with both hands, and a few weeks ago I was punching keys with the eraser of a pencil with just my left hand. Things are looking up already!

Here's a picture I took yesterday, of a rainy afternoon in Little Rock. This is the tiny man-made lake next to our apartment, taken from our little balcony. My friend, Keith, in England asked me to take a picture of our rainy day for him. I'm glad I have most of the use of my hands and arms back, because I love looking at the world through a camera lens and capturing moments.

Well, that's enough self-centered gab for one post. Which leaves me to say that I'm actually looking forward to the days and months ahead.. whatever they may bring. Not a bad way to start this new year for a change, I guess.

I wish I could wave a Fairy Godmother wand and give the world and all of us who live on it, humans and otherwise, a year filled with nothing but the good and peaceful. But achieving that requires hard work and changes in our own selves every single day. Still, I make the wish.. for a better 2012 for us all.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you Leenie for the mention in despatches. I loved the rainy pictures, they suit my hermit self with their stay at home feeling.

    You mentioned the sword of Damocles, something I've felt all my life, though I call it waiting for the hammer to fall. For me I think it stems from religion as much as anything, the notion that there's a vengeful god up there somewhere waiting to beat the crap out of me for every wrong thought or action and, of course, for just being me. I've learnt to deal with it and function better, but it's hard, if not impossible, to remove the conditioning that gives rise to it.

    I very much hope this year is a good year for you and with less pain. Love from England. Keith