29 April 2012

A narrow life abroad

Wes and I shared the dream of living in England,
which Wes made come true back in 2000.
He secured a work permit and his first job in London.

We were there for four years, living first in Aylesbury
and then in Bletchley, both in Buckinghamshire.
We came back to the US in 2004.
It was damned hard to leave,
but that's life.
"You can't always get what you want," intones Mick.

Anyway.. a few times whilst we were there,
we watched narrow boats on the canals.
It looked like such a wonderful way to live.
I probably have an overly romantic notion of it,
as I'm sure it is quite a lot of hard work.
But, oh, I think I would enjoy that life if I
were physically fit and able.

There are lots of videos of narrow boating at YouTube.
Here are two that grabbed my attention this morning.

Sounds like Mick has a great life philosophy.
His temperament matches my own.
I hope his health is improving these days.


And this video of a steam powered narrow boater..
well, let's just say, this thrills me.


You can't always get what you want,
but ah, well.. it doesn't hurt to dream.


28 April 2012

I was born at an early age

I guess I shouldn't complain
about turning 59 today.
As they say, the alternative is worse.

Wes and I arrived yesterday afternoon  
at Oliver's rented house
in Bella Vista.
The guys sang Happy Birthday to me
at a few minutes after midnight.

I went outside this morning and snapped this
Happy Birthday Oh What A Beautiful Morning picture.

I've got some aches and pains, but we are
with Oliver and David,
so I can't help but smile.

I also have the promise of going to
Johnny Brusco's for pizza later.

Happy Birthday, old girl.

Edited to add pictures of my birthday dinner
at Johnny Brusco's in Bentonville:

Wes and Oliver,

Oliver and David,

and me.

We had a blast, did a little shopping on the way back to the guys place,
and now we are going to play the new Wii Mario Party 9 game.

Smiles all round.

01 April 2012

Lest I grow to old to dream

I posted the following on my page at Facebook today. I post there about as often as I post here! Not a lot.

"Our time on this planet is sooo short. Some people - at least 10 fingers and 10 toes are pointing back at me - spend the greater part of their time here conforming to expectations .. cultural, familial, religious, nationalistic, etc, etc ..... instead of trying out different ways to think and live their life. I have given in to what I believed was expected of me, not knowing I had the right to question everything, not knowing I didn't need anyone's 'permission' to think thoughts outside The Little Box. I'd like to have a streak of fuschia in my hair. I'd like to wear clothes that don't make me look like the fat older woman that I am. I'd like to have the guts to be honest.. with myself.. before it's too late. Life is too damned short."

One of my failed previous blogs was called 'Life is Too Short'.

I also included this photo I took of a bi-lobed iris at Boerner Botanical Garden in Milwaukee County, Wisconsin, back in the 1990s when we still lived there.

Iris are my favourite flower.

I lived a life that was expected of me for so long, from childhood on. I lived by the expectations of others - of my parents first, because I didn't think they would lead me into anything that wasn't true and good; then later I lived what was expected of me by the church that my parent chose to believe in. That was such a
As I said in my Facebook paragraph above, I didn't know there were any other choices available to me. For all intents and purposes, there weren't.

It was about fifteen years ago that I finally realised how many boxes I was stuffed into, and oh:so:slowly that I was able to break through them, despite the spirals of deep depression I kept falling into and near suicidal events.

But even fifteen years on, I still feel lost in feelings of nothingness, of being no one. I feel as if I don't know 'how' to be. I certainly don't know 'who' I am, or who I could be.

I never learned how to be any other way than was expected of me. Sigh.

I don't have many friends. I never did, not even in 'that church'. Shyness is so often interpreted as being a snob. My sister-in-law once told me that that is what people thought of me, that I was a snob. Their loss.
The couple of friends I have now are internet friends. I have none in 'real' life. I'm not much of a social being anymore, and I don't seek out groups of people.
Maybe I will, someday.

I've always been empathic, kind, caring, giving. I love to laugh with others.
That's me being honest .. not being conceited.

I know I won't 'find myself' somewhere .. I have to 'be myself'.
Or is it that I have to 'become myself'?
I think that's probably it.