Resolution

I'm not one to make New Year resolutions, because I know they just don't work for me. They're too contrived, abstract, like a superlative-laden, idealistic pep talk to charge up your "Go get 'em!" battery. I guess my internal battery is too small for all that pep, and I poop out sooner rather than later.

I love to crochet! Like many others, it was my mother who taught me to crochet around the age of twelve, and my love of crochet has grown ever since. I love the huge range of creativity that crochet offers, the challenges of trying out a new pattern or design, or making one of my own. I love the way that, even if it takes me a while before I 'get' the concept of something new to me, I know I can rip it out and try again, and all the while I know that I'm learning. And in crochet there are always new things to learn!

When my health took a turn for the worse on Dec 20, one of the effects it left is that my right hand is mostly unusable, and that's my writing and hook-holding hand. I'm typing with the fingers of my left hand, but I don't think I can crochet with just my left hand! I thought this health thing would resolve in a short time, but it hasn't, and now I find that I don't have the wonderful calming comfort of sitting and crocheting to pass some of the time. And I miss it. The yarn and patterns and my unfinished works in progress sit there waiting.

I've been learning a new lesson in this new year - that even something as simple as a hobby I love can be taken for granted, and even as I hope for a resolution to this health problem, I'm making a personal resolution to never again take for granted this wonderful hobby of crochet which has given me so many years of immense pleasure.

Been there, done that. Repeat.

Ha! So here I am back to typing with only my left hand again. My right hand is totally useless. Begone, damned inflammation and pain! And I slept in my recliner instead of in bed last night.

I was feeling quite a bit better {I thought} on the weekend.

Wes took me to Hobby Lobby where I picked out several yarns in the purple colour family.

I had volunteered to make scarves for a charity, and each scarf has to be predominantly one of the purplish colours. I looked online for several different scarf patterns (to crochet or knit) that I thought were relatively easy for me, and I was really excited to get started.

So on Saturday night and Sunday I crocheted this scarf. It's about 5 by 66 inches.

 The ends still need to be woven in. But on Monday morning my right wrist was again swollen and painful, and by Tuesday it was even worse, so the ends will have to wait weaving in, and I guess all my crochet and knitting plans will have to be postponed.

On Monday night I used the Paint program and my uncoordinated left hand ~~ I am not ambidextrous ~~ to draw my Sad Face, so I could email it to my kids.

Yes, I think that says it all. And it looks just like me! :)

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A picture without a thousand words

In the absence of a lot of words, I'm dropping this photo of a bright, dry, chilly Friday sunrise here in Little Rock, taken from our apartment bedroom window. As photos go, it isn't even a good one, but it was the best of the few I took. So, there is that.

Much less than living my life in the proverbial Fast Lane, mine isn't really even in the Slow Lane, but more on one of those little well-worn foot paths through a field somewhere. Just thinking about living a fast-paced life like so many do, gives me the jitters. Although I'm definitely going to have to up my game in the walking-for-exercise department this year, and I much prefer a nice paved path for that to a muddy path through a weedy field.

January.. nearly half over already. Zoiks!

Into a new year

Isn't it amazing how Time just keeps going along at a steady pace, even when you yourself are forced into a slower pace for a while. Which makes no sense, because it's just that the routine of things you do every day changes. It's still the same amount of alloted time.

My routine certainly changed since December 20, 2011, with all this pain business, but things have improved a bit over the last week and some semblance of 'normal' is returning. Here was me thinking I'd breeze through the holidays with my family and whoosh right into 2012 in a flurry of activity. Well that plan didn't happen! Ha ha to me!

I pretty much slept my way through the holidays with my family, though I did wake up to have a sip of bubbly just after oldest son Oliver popped the cork at midnight!

And the guys had made our family's traditional New Year's Eve snack.. Northern Stars! A mixture of mayo, sour cream, Swiss cheese, spices and minced green and red bell pepper spread onto thin slices of baguette bread, then broiled in the oven until the cheese is melted and it's all gooey and warm and yummy! Here's Oli stirring everything together on the night.

On New Year's Day the guys packed our stuff and Wes drove us back to Little Rock. It is always hard to say goodbye to the guys, but this time I particularly felt bad because I'd missed out on participating in so much with them. Ah, well.. more times are coming.

Something else struck me in these last few days of early 2012. I'd kind of been dreading the new year, and I guess I usually do. I'm a worrier by nature, and I always get nervous about what might be coming in the future. I usually expect the worst, and imagine all kinds of unpleasant things. What a way to live, eh? I know there are people out there who are positive thinkers, and I guess they are lucky to have that personality type. Good for you, if that's you. I've always had that Sword of Damocles feeling, which has no place in reality at all, but who said I am a sensible, wise person anyway.

Maybe it was a consequence of participating in life from a very painful and sleepy fringe during the holidays with the guys, and therefore kind of just floating through the days and nights in slow motion, right into 2012 without all that unproductive worrisome thinking I usually engage in, but I must say that I don't feel near the dread about what this year might possibly bring in the way of huge obstacles and detours and all that imaginary stuff that I dream up. I'm feeling kind of calm about things right now. And I have to admit that it isn't an altogether unpleasant experience. Sure, life isn't going to be all peachy on a rose petal strewn path. We all know 'Life happens'. Period. We get this and that, the good, the bad and the downright ugly. There are some definite Challenges coming to me and to our family in this coming year. I have no illusions that things will all just fall into place and all problems will be resolved by the Fairy Godmother. But it seems that I may have finally reached a point in my life where I actually 'get' that. A little late in my game, but there it is. Hey, I'm actually typing this with both hands, and a few weeks ago I was punching keys with the eraser of a pencil with just my left hand. Things are looking up already!

Here's a picture I took yesterday, of a rainy afternoon in Little Rock. This is the tiny man-made lake next to our apartment, taken from our little balcony. My friend, Keith, in England asked me to take a picture of our rainy day for him. I'm glad I have most of the use of my hands and arms back, because I love looking at the world through a camera lens and capturing moments.

Well, that's enough self-centered gab for one post. Which leaves me to say that I'm actually looking forward to the days and months ahead.. whatever they may bring. Not a bad way to start this new year for a change, I guess.

I wish I could wave a Fairy Godmother wand and give the world and all of us who live on it, humans and otherwise, a year filled with nothing but the good and peaceful. But achieving that requires hard work and changes in our own selves every single day. Still, I make the wish.. for a better 2012 for us all.

Quietly slipping into the new year

The world is slipping into a new year, boisterously for some, and sedately for others. Being still in too much pain, I will slip into 2012 quietly, but in the company of the three people who mean more to me than life. They have helped me in so many ways since the onset of these recent pains.

They have cooked up some very delicious food for us all! After the Chicken Bubble-Up on Christmas day, Oliver made Chili, and it has been aging since. David then made a batch of Zuppa Toscana (just like the Olive Garden soup of the same name). David's is even better than the OG soup. Hands down, better.

I guess none of them was in a picture-taking frame of mind to document their cooking efforts. Maybe I can still get one of them to snap a few.

Tonight, it being New Year's Eve, the guys will be making our traditional New Year's Eve snack called Northern Stars, a sour cream, mayo, swiss cheese and seasonings mixture to spread on thin slices of baguette, topping some with minced green and red bell pepper, and then broiled until the tops are melted and golden. Oh, they are so good.

Well, I feel like I have reached the end of endurance for the time being.

I hope 2012 will be a better year for all of us who share this little planet. Wishing one and all Peace, Health, Safety, and Love in the new year,

Eileen

Emergency Patience

It has seemed an extra long week since this pain started last Tuesday. But that is the way it works when you are ill. The minutes and then the days crawl by.

I have been a load of cantankerousness and neediness. Were I alone, I would be in one of those heaps on the floor and I don't have one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" buttons. My neck is slightly more movable, but the pain in my shoulders is still much the same, the left one slightly improved so that I can at least use my arm and hand within a limited range. And my right wrist is halfway on its way to Hellinahandbasket.

Yesterday afternoon I was doing pretty poorly even for my usual sad state. I tried calling our doctor back at home, but he and his staff were all still enjoying Monday as part of the holiday weekend. So, after more cajoling from my guys, I finally agreed to go to the Emergency Room at the hospital here where we are visiting. All three of my finely-bearded men came with me for the sheer joy of it (emphasis mine). There should have been one of these signs posted on the door as you hobble in..

As it turned out, they waited with me in the ER for 5 hours. Well, it was the day after Christmas and all, so the wait was understandable. At least that's the good light I wish to put it in.

At the 4 and one half hour mark I was given three injections, one in the arm and one each on my buttcheeks. And the last half hour was spent back in the waiting room so they could make sure I didn't exhibit and signs of being dead or otherwise greatly incapacitated from said injections. Two prescriptions To Go and Wes signed my release form, which probably contains a bunch of "Don't call us and we won't call you" legal stuff.

A stop at Walgreens for the two bottles of pills and to drop me off at home, get me settled, and off the three of them went for a well-deserved relaxing supper at Red Robin, and they even brought me home my favourite 'Banzai Burger' (I actually ate 1/4 of it). I tell you that I don't deserve their patience, but I'll be damned if I'm not grateful in every hurting cell of my body.

I know I take so much for granted during the times when I just live life with the normal aches and pains of a life of a certain age and prior infirmities and their lingering consequences. But rather than continually refreshing old pains and difficulties in our daily consciousness, perhaps it is better to sort of take the good days or months or years for granted a bit.. stopping to remember once in a while that you've been worse. But in the better times, I think it is best to get on with it, to get on with living in the moments and making the most of your days and nights with family and friends and storing up tons of good memories for the not-quite-so-good days to come. Because when this sign pops up in your life again..

..it's best to realise that life ahead is going to change drastically again and you'd better be prepared for a new direction for a while.

So the lesson I should commit to memory is "Enjoy the better times when you have them, live life the best that you can when you can, and when a sign pops into view that you'll be heading in a different direction, be ready for whatever the road brings your way."

That, and remember to thank the people who love you and are kind and patient with you even when you are a grumpy old mother. (Thank you, guys.)

And, oh I am so looking forward to picking up a crochet hook again soon, because I really enjoyed making this houndstooth-like scarf two weeks ago (pattern here: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2245155/free_crochet_pattern_bumpy_scarf.html?cat=24 ).

I have several afghans in need of finishing or weaving in ends, and there are always so many new things to make! Such are the ways of Crochet Love. ;)

For better and for less than that

Christmas day, Sunday, 25 December 2011. It is a quiet morning.

New morning, new blog.

I am typing with the eraser of a pencil this morning, one key at a time, Caps Lock on, then Caps Lock off as I go. I started having neck pain on this past Tuesday afternoon, which got worse on Wednesday, and on Thursday it moved down to include my shoulders as well. I have never had this kind of shoulder pain before. So inflammed and I can barely move my right shoulder, and the left is much worse and useless right now.

I finished up with the laundry on Tuesday morning before all this pain started. I wanted to get the laundry done early so it would be a quick job to pack for friday's drive to spend the whole holidays week with our two sons. When whatever is causing all this pain hit my shoulders, too, I became almost useless. That did not make me a happy camper.

Friday morning, husband Wes, was able to work from home and packed stuff up as he could. I may have been a little, um, grumpy and emotional during all that. Frustrated with my incapacity to do what I should be doing. But Wes dealt with my occassional loud outbursts and bouts of crying, and we got through. He loaded up the car, which isn't a picnic as we live in an upstairs apartment. And I'm usually our long distance driver, but he drove the 200+ miles.

So here we are at the house the two brothers share. This pic is from Chritmas day 2010 when we were here and they got a dusting of snow. This year it is sunny with no snow.

By the way, I know I should have called the doctor about this pain business, but Iam not one to run to the doctor everytime something happens, and I really expected this to resolve itself after a couple of days. Ha! More fool me. I am unable to lie down now without incurring more pain, so have been sitting and sleeping (fitfully) on their desk chairs. They even bought me a memory foam pillow on one of their shopping trips at WalMart (yes, soul-stealing WalMart) yesterday so my butt would have it a little easier. Anyway...

My three men, ages 58, 33, and 26, have been been so very patient with me and helping me a thousand ways. Here we all are last Christmas. Wes, Oliver, Eileen and David. They can make me laugh like nobody else can. They are the best.

So today the men will cook the meal I would have, Chicken Bubble-Up, with rice and green beans (not the casserole kind) on the side. I will cheer them on from the side.

I'm enjoying our moments together in spite of the pain, and am looking forward to a week of family time. Game playing and movie watching and other fun and often strange things. :)

Peace to the whole human race and to all the creatures with whom we share this beautiful small planet.